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It was my roommate, but I was screaming, “Don't hurt me!” They took me to the hospital, and that's where I finally told the psychiatrist what had happened. I barricaded myself in my room in the barracks because I heard a key in the lock and thought they were coming in. Neal I was starting to hallucinate that people were coming to get me. After they ordered me to return to work with him, I stabbed myself in the neck so I could go home. Who was I going to report it to? He had serious rank over me. I really didn't feel like I had any choice.
Looking back, I ask myself, Why didn't you do anything? It wasn't like he held me down or tied me up. Being invited over to his house, I just took it as I should go. Trent Smith Air Force, enlisted 2011 He was a senior aide-he had a direct line to the top.
I didn't want to say anything.īigo I didn't talk about this for nearly fifty years. Mike Thomson Marines, 1997–99 I wasn't “afraid” to report it-I was ashamed and disgusted. Madrid I guess I feel okay telling you because you don't know who in the hell I am, and I don't know who you are, and you can't see me. Perhaps it should astonish us that any of them do. An estimated 81 percent of male MST victims never report being attacked.
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The conviction rate in MST cases that go to trial is just 7 percent. “If they want you to be schizophrenic,” says Trent Smith, an MST survivor currently fighting his discharge from the Air Force, “you're schizophrenic.” These diagnoses also spare the government the costs of aftercare: The VA considers a personality disorder to be a pre-existing condition, so it won't cover the expense of treatment for PTSD caused by a sexual assault.Ībove all, MST victims keep quiet because they do not believe their attackers will be punished. It is likely that in many cases these were sham diagnoses meant to rid the ranks of MST victims. Between 20, some 31,000 servicepersons were involuntarily discharged for personality disorders. “The military has a systemic personality disorder discharge problem,” write the authors of a 2012 Yale Law School white paper. Research suggests that the military brass may have conspired to illegally discharge MST victims by falsely diagnosing them with personality disorders.
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Another is fear-of physical retaliation, professional ruin, social stigma. You're asking some serious questions, and I'd rather just cancel it here.īut shame isn't the only reason these men so often say nothing. This is really causing some flashbacks and triggers.
I'm not gonna be able to do this interview. Jim McDonald* Army, 1982–2004 I'm gonna have to cut this short. Neal One of the doctors said to me afterward, “Son, men don't get raped.” James Asbrand Psychologist, Salt Lake City VA There's the fear that “if other people know this about me, well, then, my life is over. ” I was removed from the military and signed out within a day. A month and a half later, I was brought into a room with about nine officers and told, “You've tested positive. I wanted to be an officer, and I just said, “Bad experience, won't let that happen again.” But there was some residual damage. Kole Welsh Army, 2002–07 I had actually let the assault go, because I didn't want it to interfere with my career. If only I hadn't invited him back to my room. I keep telling myself, If only I hadn't had a few beers that night. Jones I still don't believe I didn't bring this on. We cut your hair, and we give you the same clothes, and we tell you that you have no more privacy, you have no more individual rights-we're gonna take you down to your bare essence and then rebuild you in our image. You don't ask questions.ĭana Chipman Judge advocate general Army, 2009–13 The way we socialize people probably has some effect on the incidents. Sam Madrid* Marines, 1962–68 When a gunnery sergeant tells you to take off your clothes, you better take off your clothes. He pinned my arm above my head and my knee in the crook of his arm and covered my mouth with his right hand and looked at me and said, “You will not make a noise.” He managed to wrestle me onto my back, and I started freaking out. Gary Jones* Army, 1984–86 At first I thought he was playing around. Matthew Owen* Army, 1976–80 I heard one of them say, “Get that broom over there by the lockers.” He kept saying, “You're going to like this.” Richard Welch Air Force and Army, 1973–82 I was coming in and out of consciousness. Terry Neal Navy, 1975–77 The part that I remember before I passed out was somebody saying they were going to teach me a lesson. To understand this problem and why it persists twenty-two years after the Tailhook scandal, GQ interviewed military officials, mental-health professionals, and policymakers, as well as twenty-three men who are survivors not only of MST but also of a bureaucracy that has failed to protect them.